"The Mommy Wars" Round 3: Co-sleeping or not?

As I have been writing on "The Mommy Wars," I kept having a thought come to me. Why are we as mothers so mean to each other? We aren't usually blatently mean to each other but we are definatly each others hardest critics. If we see a mom giving her baby a bottle, breastfeeding mothers probably have an opinion about it, whether they voice it or not. If we know our friend is letting their baby sleep with them and we make our baby sleep in their own room, then we have an opinion on it. I really think that we just want to do the best for our kids and when we make a decision we think its the best so when we see somebody doing something else, they are automatically doing it wrong. We never take into account that maybe, just maybe, that mother made the decision that is best for her child.

Another topic of heated debate in the mommy world is co-sleeping. There are lots of theories out there that co-sleeping is beneficial for the baby and mother. Some of the theories suggest that there is a closer bond between mother and child. It is also a lot easier for those wonderful 2 AM feeding for breastfeeding moms. She wouldn't have to hop out of bed when the baby is hungry, she can just whip it out (come on girls, you know what I'm talking about).

There are also studies showing that the rish of SIDS is greatly reduced when babies do not share beds with their parents. Its also hard, and even dangerous to share a bed when a parent is an especially deep sleeper or obese.

As far as me, I can't bed share with my kids. I cannot sleep when they are sleeping in bed with me. I am to paranoid. I am afraid if I put them in the middle my hubby will roll over and smoosh them and if I put them on the side I am afraid they are going to roll off the bed. I had my son sleep in our bed a few nights after he was really sick and it was the hardest thing ever to get him back in the basinet next to our bed. Everytime I would snore or roll over or whatever he would wake up and think he needed to be next to me. When we tried to move him to his room it was aweful, aweful, aweful. I felt like such a horrible mother by making him sleep a whole 30 feet away from me. Getting him to sleep in his room took like 2 monthes.

When we had our daughter we made a goal to not let her sleep in our bed. We got one of those armreach co-sleepers and I LOVE IT. We hooked the little bed on my side of the bed and she was right nxe to me all night but not really in my bed. I was able to roll over and put my hand on her chest (I am way paranoid) and check on her like 6 times a night without having to get up. When she got older and would wake up when I would make noise, get up to go to the bathroom or even roll over, we decided to move her to her room. She was sleeping through the night without having to eat at this time so it really wasn't a big deal. She seriously was so much easier to get to sleep in her own room than her brother was. It was wonderful. She didn't cry for me and reach for me like her brother did and in turn I had less mommy guilt.

What do you do when it comes to sleeping arrangements with your children? How do you feel on the topic of co-sleeping? Post some comments and lets get this discusion going.

"The Mommy Wars" Round 2: Stay at Home Moms vs. Working Moms

Round two of "The Mommy Wars" is here. The topic for today is stay at home moms vs. working moms. The is the original "Mommy War." This debate has been going on forever. I have done a lot of research on this particular topic and have been thinking about it for about a week, since I have decided to write about it. I am finding myself not knowing where to start. But one thing I have learned through all of this is that it isn't as cut and dry as some people might think it is.

There are many stay at home advocates that will tell you that it is better for the baby. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development did a study in 2003 that found that kids who spent all day in daycare had higher levels of stress and more aggression than kids cared for at home. Some experts believe that any consistent, quality caregiver could give the emotional stability needed for children to have lower levels of stress and less affression and that that care doesn't have to come from the parents to yield those results. Another plus in being a stay at home mom is that you get to be there to see all of their "firsts," and you don't have to hear about it from a caregiver. One aspect of being a stay at home mom that particularly appeals to me is that you can raise them how you want and teach them things you want them to learn.

Some stay at home moms feel like they are loosing part of themselves or at time their sanity. This is something really important to consider.

An important aspect to consider is the money situation. For many families it is cheaper for a parent to stay home and not pay for daycare. But with the economy the way it is and more and more single parents out there, working for some is not an option.

It also goes beyond money reasons why some mothers decide to work. Some mothers say they need to work in order to keep their sanity or to be good moms.

The main pros of being a working mother is that they can keep their identity and "self." Unfortunatly, no matter how far our society comes women will always be judged on the aspect of how well they are able to raise and take care of their family. It is hard for working mothers to spend a lot of times with their kids as they would like. Cooking home cooked meals and doing stuff around the house on top of everything else sometimes can feel impossible.

During th e tough economic times that we are in now, some husbands of stay at homes moms are being layed off and it is falling to the women to go back to the workforce and take care of the family. Many moms that stay at home work from home.

I personally stay at home with my children, but I am always working on something to contribute to the family. I guess I would be labeled a work from home mom. I said this before in round one of "The Mommy Wars," as long as we are doing what we feel is the best things we can for our children then thats all that matters. There are no 2 situations that are the same and no 2 families that are the same. Each situation and family warrants it own individual decision. If at the end of the day our children know they are loved, if they are happy and their need are taken care of then you have done enough and everything is ok.

Here is a video found that I found. I love the Momversations and look out I am going to be posting them periodically.

The Mommy Wars Round 1: Bottle vs. Breast

I am involved with a close knit group of girls that are all moms. Each of us come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences. More than once the topic of breastfeeding or formula feeding has been brought during our little get togethers and it started me thinking. I realized that us moms really have strong opinions on how we raise our kids, so much so that we know we are right no matter what. I also realized that this also takes place in other areas of motherhood. I call this phenomenon, "The Mommy Wars."

I feel I have a unique perspective on this topic because I have two children. My oldest was exclusively breastfeed for one year exactly and my youngest was breastfeed for about 4 months exclusively and then we made the switch over to formula at 6 months.

My son, who was breastfed was the best baby the world has ever seen. I can say that because he's my boy, I know I'm biased. He had no problems nursing, content, happy, the list goes on and on. My daughter, whom I love just as much as my son, is completely the opposite. She hated nursing, I mean hated it. I tried, I really did. I nursed her and fought with her for 2 months trying to get her to nurse. I knew that it was medically the best for her and I wanted it for her. I figured that if we worked hard enough on it we would eventually get it down and things would be OK. After about 2 months of fighting and stress I decided I would start pumping and just give her a bottle. She liked that so much more. At the moment I really liked the situation because a)she was getting the healthy breast milk b)she wasn't screaming all the time while I was trying to get her to nurse c)breast milk is free and d) I have a really good breast pump and I was able to pump in a really short amount of time and throw the pump parts in the dishwasher.

This went on for about 2 months. During this time I started to realize how much of a pain in the butt it was to go anywhere like this. I couldn't be gone too long because I needed to stay on a pumping schedule, yes I had a great pump but to me finding a place to pump while running errands with a 3 month old and a 2 1/2 year old was a little crazy. Also, it was hard because if she got hungry while we were away we had to find a place to warm her bottle up because I was unable to find a good car bottle warmer. Not to mention the fact that I had to lug around a cooler of some sort to keep the breast milk cold before she was ready to take her bottle.

During this time my daughter was still nursing at night. If I could catch her before she woke up entirely we could make it work. I think she was just to tired to care, to be honest with you.
One day she stopped nursing at night and I said to heck with it. I started giving her formula when we would go out, just because it was easier than taking breast milk with us, and she would also have formula at night.

We kept this habit up until she was 6 months old and I was placed on medication that I could no longer "nurse" her. She made it to 6 months and I figured that it was better than nothing. Even knowing this I still had some guilt over the issue. I think we as mothers want so desperately to do the best for our kids that we can. We battle with ourselves over everything we do for them because we have this fear that we are going to screw them up somehow. Well, at least that is the way I feel sometimes.

When I thought about "The Mommy Wars" I did a little research and came up with some pros and cons of breastfeeding and formula feeding.

Pros of Breastfeeding

• Mothers that breastfeed usually loose weight faster than non breastfeeding mothers. Breastfeeding requires about 500 calories a day to produce the milk for the baby.


• Easy and convenient - nothing to buy or prepare, no bottles to wash


• Free- need I say more
• The mother can sleep during the 2 a.m. feedings

• There is a very special bond between mother and baby that some will argue that is stronger in breastfeed babies and moms


• Less spit-up, no stains, no smelly poop


• Protects against some breast and ovarian cancers
  
• May delay you're menstrual cycle from starting up again.


• Contains natural immunity strengtheners for babies


• Helps babies brain to grow and develop


• Less learning and behavior problems


• Less diaper rash and other skin problems


• Less Colic


• Easy to digest, less constipation and diarrhea


• Protects against SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Cons of Breastfeeding

• Time consuming
  
• Mom has to pump if she want to leave baby or have someone else feed her.


• Breastfeeding takes a lot of energy, mom can feel more fatigued than usual.


• Possible anxiety/frustration while mom and baby are learning


• Some moms can develop physical problems like clogged milk ducts that can cause pain and infections


• Can be challenging for working mothers

Pros of Formula Feeding

• Tastes remains consistent and is not dependant on mom's diet or activities


• Mom's can eat or drink what they want with no worry about it effecting the quality of the milk


• Formula is digested slower than breast milk so babies are satisfied longer while on formula
• Mothers are able to take medications

• Easy feeding for traveling


• Wonderful for moms that for medical reasons or supply issues cannot breastfeed


• Anybody can feed baby, good for dads that desperately want to be more involved

Cons of Formula Feeding

• Expensive!!!


• Bottles, nipples, bottle washer, bottle dryer, etc are all additional items that need to be purchased and don't forget cleaned


• Not as good, nutritionally, as breast milk
  
• Doesn't supply natural antibodies for baby
  
• Formula fed babies have a higher chance of becoming constipated
  
  
  
  

After doing the research and having two DIFFERENT children I have realized that breast milk is best for babies. I read a quote that I think sums up my thoughts, "Breastfeeding isn't for every mother but it is for every baby."

I realize that medically speaking breast milk is best for babies. There have been studies and there really is no disputing this fact. Sometimes it isn't always as cut and dry as medical thinking may be. My baby wanted immediate gratification and did not want to nurse. I fought and fought with her, I wanted her to nurse. She was unhappy constantly, I was stressed and the tension level in our home was raised. Who knows, maybe I could of made it work but at the moment it was more important to me to help her to be happy. Her and I gave it our best shot and she received breast milk for 6 months, that's better than nothing. If we have another child I am definitely going to breastfeed our next but only time will tell.

I know girls that want to breastfeed but will not make enough milk to satisfy the baby and end up drying up within a matter of weeks. They wish they could breastfeed and they can't, they truly suffer from mommy guilt. Some moms chose not to breastfeed at all because it was better for them in their specific circumstance.

Whether you take the stance of "breast is best," bottle feeding mommy or somewhere in between, love your kids and make sure they know that.

Check back soon for the next round of "The Mommy Wars," working moms, vs. stay at home moms.