Wednesday, July 1, 2009

6 Ways To Train Your Husband

Posted by Angiefairbanks at 7:46 PM
Allright, allright I know the title of the post makes you probably think, "what the heck??" I have to admit that when I heard about this subject I thought the same thing.

I ran across this idea while I was surfing the web and reading blogs. A fellow mommy blogger and journalist wrote a blog post about a article that caught her eye in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. I was still skeptical at this point but I kept reading for the heck of it. She stated that she wasn't a regular "Cosmopolitan" reader. I was interested a little bit more because neither am I. I kept reading and by the time I finished reading her post I was intrigued. So I surfed on over to the "Cosmo" website and checked this article out.

The article was titled "6 Ways To rain Your Boyfriend." Most of us reading this blog have children and probably a husband or serious boyfriend. I read the article and reflected on something I heard probably 5 years ago from Dr. Laura. Dr Laura is a conservative radio show host and psychologist who takes calls on her show from listeners and helps them with their problems in their personal lives. With regard to Dr Laura's thoughts on women in relationships Dr. Laura states the point as follows: "Men are simple creatures who come from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration, and approval from a woman. Women have great power and influence over men, and wives in particular have tremendous power over their husbands. How they use this power essentially controls the relationship, because women are the masters of most relationships and marriages."

I just want to make the point known that I don't think for a minute we are in total control or that the men in our lives can't think for themselves or that they have no responsibility in the outcome or success in their marriage. I think the opposite but I also believe completly that we as women have a ton of power. I have seen it in my 6 year marriage and in the 32 year marriage of my parents.

Now, going back to the cosmo article. The article speaks of 6 ways to train, or better put mold, shape and help determine the path things unwind in your relationships. I think "6 Ways To Train Your Husband" just has better punch and catches readers eyes. They equated animal training techniques to men, this made me chuckle because don't get me wrong I love my hubby but sometimes don't men just act a little animalistic.

The first way to train was in reference to their aversion to doing chores. They said to change this behavior endulge in their playfulness first. Chimpanzee trainers will play with the chimps that they are training for a few minutes first before they attempt to get them to do any tricks or tasks. No matter how old they are men never loose all of the playfullness in them. It seems like the brat in them comes out when you are asking them to do things around the house. Experts say that if you play around with them for a few minutes first and then ask them to take the trash out, for example, then tell them you will finish playing with them later (after they take out the trash). Eventually, if used consistently, they will stop associating chores with nagging and drudgery and start associate it with fun and be more willing to help out more when asked.

The second way to train was when they are lacking social graces (farting, burping, etc.) The best way to get him to stop doing this behavior is to ignore it. Dog trainers will tell you that when a dog sniffs a crotch or paws at peoples legs the best thing to do is to ignore. Yes, instinct is to push the dog away and tell it no but really this just incourages the dog to do it again and again. Men are a lot like this. Sometimes they just want attention, attention of anysort. “Men don’t want to be treated like children, and if you correct him, he’ll feel like you’re mothering him,” says Patricia Covalt, PhD, author of What Smart Couples Know. Instead, ignore him when he’s being obnoxious, and give him some PDA (think a kiss or a tap on the butt) when he’s acting sweet. Since guys — like dogs — aim to please, he’ll instinctively begin to avoid the behavior that makes you freeze him out. One tip: timing is crucial. Be sure to reward him at the exact moment he engages in a positive behavior; otherwise, he won’t be able to make the appropriate connection.

The third way to train was talking about how men want to bottle up or leave when there is an argument. Its important to keep a cool head. Men in this situation are like horses. They respond well to calming soothing voices. Guys, my hubby expecially, will argue back more and the fight gets worse if I have a high pitched voice or raise it even the slightest. “Calmly telling him what he did wrong will make it easier for him to tune in to what you’re saying,” says Covalt. Touch also plays a crucial role in this scenario: Place your hand on his as you speak. Not only does this buffer the blow of your words, but it also mimics the comforting way a trainer strokes a horse’s mane to calm the animal down.

The fourth way to train your man is talking about when they are being stubborn. The key here is to use proper body language. When trainers want cougars to bend to their will they find a middle ground. They walk with squared off shoulders not too forcefull to be percieved as a threat but also not to meek to be percieved as prey. Men are a lot alike. When they are being stubborn its important for us to not approach them too aggressively. Even the most manly of men can feel emmasculated if a women approaches them in a fearless way. But on the flip side of that men have a tendancy to "walk all over" women that are too submissive, women that slouch and look at the floor when speaking. "If you’re standing really close to him with your hands on your hips and your feet wide apart, he’ll get defensive and instinctively want to fight back,” says body-language expert Patti Wood, author of Success Signals. “The best way to stay on equal ground is to stand with good posture, your head up, and an open frame so he sees you as being on the same level as he is. This way, he’ll be more apt to want to talk things through with you,” she says later.

The fifth way is geared to those wonderful moments when he won't get his butt off the couch, and do something around the house. In this analogy our men are compared to lions. Lions are lazy they sleep about 20 hours a day and only get up to do what they have to do to survive (eat, drink, go to the bathroom etc.) Lion wrangler Dave Salomi says, "Trying to get a lion to do something when it’s in resting mode can be very difficult and even dangerous,” he goes on to say, “That’s why we make use of the animal’s active time instead of trying to force it into doing something it doesn’t want to when it’s chilling.” A man chillin out is less likely to do move his bum and do something productive no matter how much you engage him or bribe him. The article suggests approaching him when he is most active, like after he is done working out or first thing in the morning when he is full of energy. If you have to get him to do something during his down time, make it worth his while by bribing him that interests him more than what he is currently doing.

The sixth and final way of training our men teaches us how to make them more romantic. The key is to take baby steps. Elephant trainers don't teach elephants to paint by just giving them a canvas, paint, and brushes and telling them to have at it. They take baby steps. One day they will teach them how to hold the brush by putting it into their trunk and wrapping their trunk around it. The next day they will teach it to did the brush into the paint and so on and so on. The same is for men. If we want them to be more romantic, we can't just tell them and expect miracles, we have to show them. The average guy is romantic it just that guys aren't really into details. They usually lack in the execusion department. Start by staging your home. For example, turn the lights down low, lights some candles, turn some romantic music on etc. Start doing things like that for him and this will create a ritual in his mind. Eventually he will start making a connection and start doing this on his own.

Who knows maybe these methods will work. I look at some women and they can get their men to do anything and I seem to still fall short. I feel like I have to nag too much and after 6 years of marriage you would think that I would of been better in the training department. The one method that really jumps out at me and sounds like it will make sense is the analogy of the horse and using a calm voice and touching him when there is a disagreement. I have noticed in my life that this is true, so who knows maybe the rest of it is. It definatly is worth a shot, just imagine how nice it would be to never have to nag again. Give it a try and let me know your thoughts on it.


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